During a recent search for the perfect kart racing support vehicle we came across what has to be the best minivan, nay, the best car ad we’ve ever seen!  In most ads you’ll find sellers trying to hype up their vehicle and “forget” to mention certain things.  The seller of this “vintage” 1996 Dodge Grand Caravan took a hilariously honest approach that had us running for our check books!

Here’s what caught our attention:

Your Cash our Clunker: The Cash for Clunkers program is long gone, but we’ll still take your cash and give you our clunker.
DON’T MISS OUT: Thanks to last year’s Cash For Clunkers program when the government gobbled up 700,000 clunkers and smashed them to smithereens, our 1996 Dodge Caravan with a broken transmission is now a one-of-a-kind rare find. We could have sold out and let the taxpayers buy our van for $3,500. Which is way too bad for us because we totally missed out on trading our clunker for a super-sized, biggie CAR LOAN. (I mean wasn’t it excessive debt that got us into this economic mess in the first place.) I can’t believe we didn’t jump at a government sponsored program that encouraged individuals to further increase their personal debt.

The seller then goes on to say:

• TRANSMISSION: Needs replacing
• WARRANTY: Yeah right.
• INCLUDED: Dents, scratches, worn upholstery.
• FREE WITH PURCHASE: All-You-Can-Eat samples at Costco.

FINANCING: Bad credit, no credit, bankruptcy, divorce — who cares. We’ll only accept cash.
MUST SEE: A large, comfortable minivan perfect for a large Utah family. Has seating for 7 passengers and extra kids can be strapped to the luggage rack on top. Powerful V6 engine will reduce the number of minutes you’re late for school drop offs, soccer practices, and church meetings. Power Door Locks keeps your kids in the car while you make a dash into the post office. Cruise Control makes it easier to text and apply makeup. AM/FM Stereo turns up loud enough to drown out the fighting in the backseat. No worries over keeping the interior pristine, we’ve already trashed it.

This ad is pure car advertising gold and the above is just an abbreviated version. To see the full ad and to put an offer down on this pristine purplish beast go here (if it’s still available!).

[KSL, Brandon Christiansen]

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