***At 83 Tim Jones’ only regret was not having subscribed to the Daily Derbi***
Top Gear’s Cool Wall segment may be a complete enigma to viewers not familiar with the show. What takes a car from cool to uncool is completely based on elements of social acceptance, who currently drives the car in question and if classy actresses would go to dinner with you if you picked them up in one.
So when putting together a list of the 5 coolest SUVs ever made performance aspects and other details like cost were thrown out the window. And with at least 12 minutes of intense, in-depth research a comprehensive list was born:
5. Nissan Armada: Based solely on size, the Armada makes home at the number five spot. Overkill is the name this Nissan’s game and that is cool. The sheer size of the thing makes you wonder how many people have been hit by crazy driving soccer moms without them even noticing.
4. Any Jeep Rubicon: The number four spot is taken by the Rubicon, simply for the free-spirit these things embody. Is there any cooler way of traveling than having the ability to drive up a mountain or a pyramid of Gaza at any time?
3. Hummer H1: If the Armada is overkill then the H1 is flat out unnecessary. I once rode in an H1 while driving across the Hoover Dam and it took up nearly both lanes. And nothing says cool like forcing a Corolla off the road into Lake Mead.
2. Old Land Cruisers: The saying “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks” isn’t applicable to old Land Cruisers. This is partly because they are cars and not dogs and partly because these tried and true Toyotas- even at 240 years old- are still turning heads today. Nothing will attract attention compared to a tuned and polished up Land Cruiser rolling down the road.
1. Cadillac Escalade: Nothing truly says cool quiet as well as greatly overpaying for something and no car knows this better than the Cadillac Escalade. Basically a GMC Yukon with a new name badge, this chromed out DUB-mobile screams “Look at me! I love my mid-life crisis or being a rapper (whichever may apply).”