Hi. My name is Brandon Christiansen and I’m a Senior Editor here at the Daily Derbi. We usually cover the world’s automotive news with an unhealthy dose of opinion and sarcasm, but today I want to talk to you about a very serious epidemic that affects nearly .002% (1) of all drivers: Gross Corvette Abuse or GCA.
Statistics show that 82% of all Corvette owners are between the age of 49 and 60 with the median being 53 (2). Each and every day these midlife crisis suffering men hopped up on Viagra and Starbucks enter Chevrolet dealerships to buy a Corvette in hopes of:
A. Impressing that girl whose 20 years younger than them and
B. Showing the import tweens that there is no replacement for displacement.
The issue is that these drivers think because they look cool, they can drive “cool” too. They can’t. We want to help find a cure for this rapidly increasing disorder as more and more instances of GCA pop up on the internet each week.
Take for instance this asshat who, during what looks to be a Corvette club cruise, decides to show his fellow Vette drivers what he can do; wreck: (Semi-NSFW Language but proper use of the “SOB” phrase)
Why?! He was with his fellow enthusiasts who were driving the EXACT same car. They know what it can do and yet this driver still needed to assert his
driving wrecking prowess.
Then there’s this short example of another GCA’er and his attempt to show a 300 SRT-8 how to properly… spin out of control:
(Super NSFW Language here so be sure to yell “Earmuffs” to all the innocent ears in the room, or just wear headphones):
GCA is everywhere, even in organized and police supported parking lot get-together’s. Watch as this GCA-er nearly takes out a father and son while exiting a local Cars and Coffee meet:
Now, I’ve seen a lot of crazy things at the drag strip before, everything from people mistakenly launching in reverse to stalling the engine, but I’ve never seen anything like this hilarious GCA fail:
Please, Corvette owners, from the bottom of my heart stop the abuse! If you are going to drive a Corvette, please do so responsibly. Learn both the cars and your limit on a closed track or sanctioned SCCA event. And if you really feel the need to hoon on the streets, please do so in the family Sienna. At least that way you can blame it on
unintended acceleration your flip-flops. Together we can help stop GCA!